Friday, March 9, 2018

Teenagers From Outer Space.


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https://www.amazon.com/Teenagers-Outer-Space-Dawn-Bender/dp/B00008AOV9

When I was six years old, Channel 4, WTAE, the ABC affiliate here in Pittsburgh played Teenagers From Outer Space as it’s Sunday afternoon movie. 

The next day in school, all my fellow second grade classmates could do was … talk about Teenagers From Outer Space.  Somebody asked me, “Did you see where the lady in the swimming pool got it with the ray gun?”

Yeah, I saw it.  Now the movie in question was second bill drive-in movie fodder for the Godzilla sequel, called Gigantus The Fire Monster here in the US, don’t ask me why.  But talking to my friend in school that day, I realized I wasn’t the only one who saw Teenagers From Outer Space and got totally freaked.  It was the moment I first grasped the power of cinema.  Move over Ingmar Bergman.  Make room for Tom Graeff.


Here’s the set-up.  A flying corkscrew lands on Earth, (a clever variation of the flying saucer theme), and the mission of the crew is to determine if an animal they raise for food, the gargon, can survive in Earth’s atmosphere.  If the gargons can live and grow then Earth will be used as grazing pasture and to hell with what the Earthlings think.

Lovers of sci-fi and horror films are a particular breed of film fanatic.  We love it when somebody enters a spaceship and we hear spaceship noises.

We love it when the screen remains black but we hear a hum, which to our ears is electronic and hence new and futuristic.  Think Outer Limits.

So I want to show you something Tom Graeff does in his beginning that I find exceedingly clever.  When the space ship opens up, the first thing we see is this white, smooth, impersonal orb rising.  And the dog starts going crazy.  When I was six years old and saw that for the first time, it scared the bejesus out of me.

Then the spaceman shoot the dog and turns it into a pile of bones.  I'm freaked again.  What Graeff had to work with looks like some Air Force helmet and mask used by high altitude pilots.  And if that was the first thing we saw, everybody in the audience would go phhhh ... 

But Graeff withholds our first look at the helmet with the weird, and then the shocking.  Then he weirds us out again with a second shot of the helmet.  He creates an alien image where in fact he had nothing in the wardrobe that even came close.  That takes some imagination.


Robin Bales over at his review YouTube channel Dark Corners does a piece on Teenagers From Outer Space and he gasses all over it.  It’s a funny review, and I understand where he’s coming from.  I could spend my entire time here pointing out the howlers. 

The wire attached to the top of the skeleton’s head?  Oh that’s a good one.  Or how about … what does that say?  Multichannel Mixer MCM – 2?  Here we have incontrovertible, photographic evidence that the sound system for The Grateful Dead came from another planet.

Yeah, it’s easy to whack away at a movie like this, when the budget is so small that by the end it’s like listening to the radio.

One thing, in Mr. Bales’s criticism of the movie however, was how the characters were always showing up at places late and missing each other, and Mr. Bales found this to be some kind of a flaw.  Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I submit … it’s the best thing about this movie.  Those scenes of near misses create a great a deal of dramatic tension and suspense.  It’s what makes Teenagers From Outer Space the fast eighty six minutes it is.  Thor the psycho killer?  He was here a second ago.  You just missed him.

A friend of mine used a word in describing another movie, but I think it’s appropriate: propelled.

Thor passed out in the open doorway makes the nurse hurry to him.

Everybody is in a hurry.  A lot happens.  By 6:07 into the movie we have a rebellion on our hands.  Then an escape.  By 11:06 we’ve seen major reversals of fortune as the arcs of the characters fluctuate wildly.

It becomes a pursuit even though our hero Derek isn’t aware of it at first.  The name of the game is … information.  Information known or not known, information withheld.  The audience learns Derek is really the son of the leader of The Space Aliens even before Derek does.  Then there’s Betty about to tell Joe the disintegrator ray doesn’t work.  Derek stops her by saying, ‘Trust me.’

Derek and Betty.  They’re soul mates from other worlds.  Here Graeff lays the romanticism on really thick.  And Joe.  Derek stole your girl, you poor schmuck.  Which is doubly funny since Graeff and Robert Kal-ten-thaler, David Love in the movie, where a gay couple.  That almost makes Graeff and Kal-ten-thaler LGTB pioneers – they were putting their relationship out there for the world to see.

A little cos play, buddy?  In a way the movie is patterned after some Warner Brothers crime drama from the late forties.  I mean how many times have we heard the wounded bad guy with a gun say take me to a doctor.

So in Tom Graeff’s well put together, wildly melodramatic sci-fi thriller, with a world building backstory to boot … we see

Gunfire with scratch-on-film bullets.


A nurse getting pistol whipped … with a ray gun.

And the local NRA chapter getting attacked by a giant lobster

Teenagers From Outer Space the movie has two big things going for it: it’s a triumph of guerilla filmmaking on a 14,000 dollar budget.  Graeff even conned some little old lady to use her house for scenes by telling her he was a UCLA film student.  He wasn’t.

But more importantly, this movie is a masterpiece of editing.  Not a single cut runs too long.  All the scenes snap together like Leggo pieces making Tom Graeff the auteur you’ve never heard of.  It’s the only feature film he ever completed picked up by studio.  Maybe the real tale is he put all his insides up on the silver screen, and that’s a dicey proposition for a guy who later becomes mentally unstable.  But he did have the touch of a talented film maker.  And there are some movies out there from name directors, with big stars and big budgets, that haven’t been viewed nearly as many times over the years as Teenagers From Outer Space.  It’s one of those rare B-movies that has that … something special about it: it survives.

Now if you’ll please excuse me, I’m having lobster for dinner.


Friday, February 9, 2018

Mean Girls.


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Mean Girls in Blu Ray:
https://www.amazon.com/Mean-Girls-Blu-ray-Lindsay-Lohan/dp/B001QU9RTS

Mean Girls 3 Trailer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezf5vJgTTz0

Now I’m not the world’s biggest fan of teenage high school movie comedies.  Not my first choice in movie viewing while sucking down tumblers full of tequila and lime aid over ice on a Saturday night.

I think movies like that have a certain nostalgia component to them, and I’m not someone necessarily nostalgic for my old high school days.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I had a great time in high school, but I remember myself back then as an … unformed lump of clay.Not the man I am … now. 

So, if you’re going to get me to watch some high school movie comedy … it better be something that transcends the genre because generally speaking on a Saturday night, I want to watch a movie where the actors and writers and directors show me something I’ve never seen before.
And you know what?  I found myself a high school movie comedy that does exactly that.

16 year old Cady Haron has been living in Africa with her zooalogist parents for the last 12 years.  Now that mom has accepted a teaching position stateside in Evanston Illinois, homeschooled Cady is entering the public-school system for the first time.  And it isn’t long before she stumbles into the middle of a simmering feud between Goth Girl Janis and Regina, Queen Bee of The Most Popular Girls in The School clique, The Plastics.

On the first day of school, Janis and her friend Damien give Cady a tour of the place.  But on the second day The Plastics invite Cady to sit with them at lunch, a rare honor only these vapid little social climbers can bestow. 

Janis sees this and later convinces Cady to go undercover into The Plastics so that after school Janis can hear all the stupid things Regina had to say.

Complications ensue when Cady falls for Regina’s ex-boyfriend Aaron, only to be invited to a Halloween party by Aaron and get her heartbroken when she sees Regina kissing Aaron over by the punch bowl.

Janis hears about it and convinces Cady to join her on the vengeance trail.  Now it’s all-out war on The Plastics.  Suddenly it’s like Janis is some old cold war KGB General with a master plan have all agents of Her Majesty’s Secret Service lined-up against the wall and shot, and she wants Cady to be her mole.  High school girls meet Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.  On top of everything else, it’s an espionage thriller.

After Regina figures out that the weight loss bars Cady has been giving her were actually for wrestlers who want to go up another weight class,

She shows these two the Master of Trade Craft really is.  MI-6, bitches.

Regina forges a key document … then spreads disinformation.

Next, with copies made of all the pages in the Burn Book, she does a document dump in the high school’s hall way.  When the students find the papers and start reading them, everybody now knows who has been talking crap on whom, and fights break out all over the school while Regina stands at the top of the steps taking it all in.

Hats off to Tina Fey for writing an amazing screenplay.  The verbal jokes always hit, the prat falls are funny, and Ms. Fey gives us a hilariously jaundiced take on modern American life.  In my mind this movie is more than a teen comedy.  It’s a send up … of youth culture in general. 

And in that respect, it’s great satire. 

Cady not getting the memo that all the girls in this town on Halloween dress up like the employees of The Mustang Ranch is my idea of big laughs.

Director Mark Waters has a hip, breezy style that serves the material well.  But a lot of the comic-vision belongs to producer and Saturday Night Live chief Loren Michaels.  Mr. Michaels knows funny, and he also knows when a comic actor is really bringing a character to life. 

And Lindsay.  I thought she was very good in this movie.  An amazingly bright-eye actor, she’s got great comic timing, pulls off playing a character somewhat younger than herself and can bring some real heat to the screen.

Let me just say my favorite part of the entire movie is Cady and Regina and Gretchen and Karen at the Winter Talent show, where they do a Jingle Bell Rock routine on stage as Santa’s Little Helpers.  The first time I saw it I couldn’t take my eyes off Lindsay.  She has stage presence.  She puts a well-practiced shimmy into her dance.  And then in the middle of the routine when the boom box playing the accompaniment goes on the fritz, Cady steps up and starts singing the song, and you get to hear Lindsay’s wonderful singing voice.  Then everybody in the audience at the show starts singing along … that scene gives Mean Girls it’s real charm.  You got to hand it to Lindsay, she made the moment magical.




Thursday, January 25, 2018

Frankenstein Conquers The World






















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Frankenstein Conquers The World.  (Starring Nick Adams.  Tadao Takashima.  Kumi Mizuno.  Yoshiro Tsuchiya.  Takashi Shimura.  Koji Furuhata.  Dir.  Ishiro Honda.  1965.)

Japanese film director Ishiro Honda had a career spanning over sixty years.  Best known by America audiences for his kaiju films, he is the man who brought us Godzilla, Ro-dan, Varan The Unbelievable, Mothra, and many many other gleefully apocalyptic orgies of destruction that are really kid-vid at heart. 

But of all his giant monster movies, Frankenstein Conquers The World is one of my favorites.

In Nazi Germany during the waning days of World War Two, a mad scientist packs up the heart of Frankenstein’s monster into a steamer truck for The German military, which has been charged with taking it on a top-secret mission that could win the war for The Axis.  The plan is to transport it by Das Boot beneath the horn of Africa to the mid Pacific played just for this movie by Indian Ocean.

The heart is transferred from The U Boat over to a Japanese submarine.  Suddenly Allied aircraft show up and drops a bunch of bombs on them.

Then the Japanese sub happily steams off with its cargo to … Hiroshima!  The heart is delivered to Hiroshima and a surgeon for study, the surgeon played by the great Japanese character actor, Takashi Shimura, the only actor who ever lived who could say I starred in Seven Samuari and Godzilla.   

But wouldn’t you know the very day the heart of Frankenstein’s monster is delivered to Hiroshima, the Enola Gay flies over and drops The A-Bomb.

Fifteen years later in Hiroshima, it is discovered that a feral boy is living in the hills behind the city and eating stray pets.  Soon Dr. Bowen, Dr. Kawaj, and Dr. Togami from The Hiroshima International Institute of RadioTherapentics are on the case. 

Meanwhile, at the Akita oils field, the place blows all to hell.  And then the monster Baragon puts in an appearance,

Baragon is something of a giant armadillo who can stand on his hind legs if he has to take a leak, and who can burrow underground and destroys oil rigs for apparently no reason other than to give Frankenstein somebody to fight.
Meanwhile, we learn that Frankenstein’s heart was subjected to radiation from the atomic blast, and the boy grew from the heart.  Now fifteen years later, all this kid wants to do it eat and grow out of his clothes.

I’ll bet there are fathers all over the world with teenaged children sitting there thinking, “Uh huh.  Uh huh.”

Now this being a Japanese monster movie, there is always one character who is a complete screw-up and makes a total mess of everything.  And the award goes to … Dr. Kawaji, who lets in the TV news crew to film the creature with predictable results.

Back to Bragaon, of all the giant Japanese monsters in all the Japanese monster movies I’ve ever seen, I like Baragon the best.  Mothra, Varan, Rodan … they really didn’t have much going for them in the personality department.  But Baragon … he does have a personality.  He’s a snot-nose punk. 

I mean will you look at those rolling eyeballs.  He’s a schemer all right, like in this sequence where he raids the chicken farm knowing full well everybody in town is going to blame the big tall dumb guy with the flat head.  If you’ve ever been accused of something you didn’t do, I’m sure you can relate.

Ishiro Honda was a master of spectacle.  Maybe not of plots that made any sense, or of dialogue that wouldn’t embarrass a second-rate comic book writer.  But if your hot on seeing things like a giant Frankenstein monster terrorizing a bunch of kids on some rock and roll cruise, Honda’s your man. 
With Ishiro at the helm we get to see …

The only Frankenstein monster ever to get hit by a cab.

Obligatory Japanese Monster movie shots of citizens running for their lives, in this case fearing Frankenstein is going to catch them and eat them,

And Mount Fuji in flames while Frankenstein puts Baragon into an airplane spin.

The first time I saw Frankenstein Conquers The World in color and widescreen was on a big screen TV back in about 1998.  Even though I’d seen it once before as a kid, I finally I got the chance to view it as it was meant to be viewed. 

And there’s this scene where feral Frankenstein kid is at the Institute, and they have him in front of a television tuned to some Rock and Roll Show.  And the kid’s getting into it, right?  Now I’m watching this and this thought pops into my head.  “Are they taking a poke at Keith Richards?”

Okay.  This movie was made in 1965 and in 1965 Keith Richards was still a fresh face on the music scene.  He wouldn’t be looking rugged like this character for about another ten years.  Maybe because the hair looked similar I don’t know, but I soon decided, “Aw I’m just imagining things.”

Then somebody on the TV screams and feral Frankenstein kid freaks and gets up, grabs the TV and tosses it out the window.

I’m just saying.

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